A Calling, A Passion, and a Un-Accepted Role

For a big part of my life and walk with Christ I have been told many things. I knew one day I would be on the mission field, it was prophesied over me. Even before that one of the first things I heard before even truly believing that Jesus did what he said he did, I was called to be a pastor. I was like me, no way. I finally heard it again from a friend of mine, then again and again. I have heard that scattered all throughout my journey before the race and now on it. I was able to see how much pastors made financially and how much scrutiny they received from the church and I always thought that isn’t for me. Still I came in this race wondering and asking God what do you want me to do with my life, it’s yours.

I arrive in Honduras, broken, lukewarm, wearing a mask to cover up my brokenness. My host Pastor Roni looks at me and says pastor Ezap, in Spanish my name is Isaac ( e-zac ) he decided to pronounce it a little differently saying (e-zap).But the truth was is he recognized that calling on me before I ever did. I kept denying that calling isn’t for me and over again i kept thinking I wasn’t  good enough or smart enough. My TL and SQL both seen it as well. A teammate of mine made a random comment of how she said I can see you as a leader. I heard it over and over again. 

At this time I didn’t know who I was, I was broken, depraved, and still trying to find my identity in Christ. If you haven’t read my blog freedom looks good on you I highly recommend! I talk about how I was set free and found my identity! 

But with all that I was called a pastor before I was a Christian I was called that before I knew who I was. God knows what we will do and become before hand, He knew who I was and who I was meant to be. He was calling me that way before I ever believed, seen, or accepted it. Even after I was set free and found who I was still over and over again people would continue calling me pastor. I was at my first debrief with the world race and my coaches and mentor called me a pastor seeing it on my life. At our first debrief we went to this church that was in revival and the pastor of that churched looked at us and wanted a pastor out of us to say something and everyone looked at me. Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Dominican, and Panama, people were continually calling me  a pastor. I finally said Lord, what do you want me to see from this. Why do you keep reminding me of what you have called me? 

It was because I still hadn’t  accepted it yet. I still didn’t believe I was smart enough. The truth is I don’t need papers, a certificate, a degree, an ordination, or anything to be a pastor. I only have to accept who God has called me. That calling is one I have now fully accepted. Since acceptance, passion has been stirred. Passion for Christians. Passion for the Christians who go to church but never take action or the ones that look holy in the worlds eyes but are doing nothing for the kingdom of God. Passion for people to wake up to the truth and reality of the gospel. Passion for the lost, the Unreached, the broken, and the forgotten. Passion for the churches losing their way and Fire. Passion for people being burned out of ministry. Passion for pastors loving money more  and success more than God. Passion for those addicted to porn and lust. Just passions for fire to fall on this generation, my generation. I want people to know and receive the freedom that Is available to them. 

The thing is as I read through the story of how David became king I see my self in that story. In 1 Samuel you see David as being a shepherd boy last to be chosen not knowing he was king. At a young age Samuel went to anoint the new king of Israel. David was anointed king at a young age, he was told he was going to be king and then wasn’t appointed king for maybe another 20 years or so. Throughout his younger years everything that happened was preparing him to be a king, king after Gods own heart. He wasn’t chosen when he was anointed or appointed but he was chosen before he was even born. God uses everything that we do and who we are for our future. 

I have since came to understand while being a team leader that a true leader isn’t leading out of it as a role or responsibility but rather from a place of who they are. It is leading from a place of intimacy and abiding in the Lord. Being a leader isn’t something I do but rather who I am. These words were given to me at launch before I even knew who I was.  Today I see the Lord doing so many mighty things in my life and others around me. Everything that has happened in my pre-Christian life, my life as a Christian and things that are happening now are shaping me into who God wants me to be. God uses everything for his good and I can see that to be so evident and prevalent in my life. 

Being a pastor is more than just leading a church but it is shepherding the flock. I’m not sure what I’ll do or where I will end up in the future but I do know for sure that the Lord has big plans for my life. I have been told many times on this race that I am going places and have a voice. I may not see it in this moment but I know and trust that the Lord is faithful to his promises and has great things in store for me. I love and thank you all so much for your support and love. You are amazing I will have another blog coming soon about next step in my life. Please share this link it will be greatly appreciate!